Blog & Podcast

The biggest "Shadow" in my Human Design is my wide open Heart center. This means that I have the most unlearning to do around feeling like I have to prove myself, to achieve for the admiration and respect of other people.

I've done A LOT of work on this. To let go of doing things for the respect of others or not doing things I really want to do because I'm worried I'll lose that admiration.

And yet, what I've realized during this pandemic lockdown is I still use work as a way to prove myself. 

In this episode of LUMOS I explore how this sneaky Shadow was showing up in my business and how I'm moving through it.

I went to the grocery store for the first time during France's COVID-19 lockdown and had a complete meltdown when I got home. I picked a fight with my husband and then broke into tears. Nothing unusual had happened during my shopping trip.

As I was collecting myself after the fact, I had an ah-ha moment about my own energy and sensitivities to fear and emotions specifically. (I have an undefined Spleen and undefined Solar Plexus in my Human Design.) I share my thoughts in this episode of LUMOS, along with some ideas for how I can avoid the meltdown in future.

I kind of love how Human Design calls our monkey mind and unhealthy patterns our "Not Self." Because it's just that: not our true self. Our true self speaks to us through our Decision-Making Strategy (strategy + authority). But we have to be able to hear it, trust it and follow through on that guidance -- and that's where our mind can get in the way.

 In this episode of LUMOS, I tell the story of two different client requests that really cemented for me the relationship between my Decision-Making Strategy and my "Not Self" (my monkey mind and unhealthy patterns).

"We listen for guidance everywhere except from within" - Parker Palmer

In reading his book "Let Your Life Speak" a few months ago, I was struck by a paragraph in which Parker observes (on a retreat for example) that we are apt to write down the wise words others speak but rarely take notes on what we ourselves say.

Snap. That rang true for me.

I love to be inspired daily by books, social media, podcasts, courses, etc. BUT what I'm learning most of all is to take that input and then trust myself to take the bits that resonate and remix them for myself.

No one else has your answers. Only you can FEEL the truth in your body.

But it's been journey for me to go from looking for the answers outside of myself to knowing they are always within and I just have to get quiet and ask.

In this episode of LUMOS I share what I've tried and what I currently do to access my inner wisdom and receive guidance from the Universe in the hopes that it'll help you get quiet and tap in.

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My Human Design profile (Public Role) is 1/3: I'm an Experiential Authority. My conscious line 1 in me is *constantly* seeking out information to build a strong foundation for my Authority.

So I listen to a lot of podcasts, read a lot of books and take a lot of courses.

I even started taking Mondays "off" just to learn, with no agenda.

And that experiment led to a big ah-ha about learning and information consumption with an undefined Ajna vs. a defined Ajna.

"Create before you consume" is popular advice and seems to make sense -- and here's why that may not be true for you.

Our Human Design lays out our Decision-Making Strategy: how we're meant to make decisions from our bodies wisdom, from our higher self, and from our intuition, as opposed to from our mind. Because contrary to what we most of us were taught and the way that we've lived most of our life, our minds are really terrible at making decisions for us.

Why our Mind is terrible at making decisions

What really helped me understand the difference between making a decision from my body and my intuition, and making a decision for my mind was this robot metaphor:

Scientists and computer engineers have been trying and making great strides, obviously, in machine learning and artificial intelligence. But they still aren't able, at this point anyway, to create a robot with a sophisticated enough architecture that it can navigate, for example, the lobby at Grand Central Station at rush hour. In a super busy place where people are moving in many directions at many different speeds, quite...